the winter doldrums~

pearl polytych

i dunno about y’all, but i have the worst worst winter doldrums usually and this year in particular.

but–okay–before i really get into things and THINGS (bs there’s always things), can we just talk about how increasingly traumatic and upsetting (in an educational way) steven universe is becoming?  while still being an amazing show?  like, especially in regards to pearls, the expansion of the homeworld’s purview, and trans-gem fusion (otherwise known as slavery, colonialism, and miscegenation)?

AND, THEY NEVER USE THOSE WORDS.

and, darling peridot–the angriest slice of pie in the history of ever–telling off yellow diamond because peridot has found what garnet, amethyst, pearl, and rose found:  beauty and value in humanity.

sketch-a-day 7/366

(as much as i hate the capitalist implications of value and worth that are tossed about in relationship to the earth by, well, everyone in ever~)

YOU RIDICULOUS SHOW!  WHY ARE YOU SO SMART?!?!?!

anyway~

i’m still trying to get back onto a regular vlogging and blogging schedule, but i’m not exactly succeeding because–y’all guessed it!–the winter doldrums.

(okay, in my case, it’s actually seasonal affective disorder that i didn’t realize i had until i moved to wisconsin.  boy-howdy, was that an unpleasant surprise.)

progress is being made, though.  there was gesso-ing canvases today (yesterday–it’s ridiculous in the morning here because my sleep schedule goes increasingly wonky because of the SAD combined with my usual amount of ridiculous insomnia, so my brain is  saying that it’s still friday) and the making of buttons, both of which are possible the most tedious, boring things to do in the history of ever, but they’re also things that NEED TO BE DONE.

my kingdom for an army of clones.  not of me.  of someone hyper-productive.  an army of me!clones would just be an army of anxiety-ridden, in-pain crankiness that no one needs.

(but all super-adorbs so–benefit.)

i do think that this year’s thing-a-day projects are helping somewhat with the productivity, but at the same time, i’m always concerned that i’m just going to have develop a “i did my thing-a-days for the day; i’ve accomplished something and don’t need to do anything else” mentality.  yes, some days, all i manage are the thing-a-days (or just one of them)–SOMETIMES, I DON’T EVEN MANAGE THAT–and that’s fine.  my worth (there’s that capitalist language again) is not determined by how much or how little i accomplished in a day.  sometimes, just breathing is an accomplishment (and i don’t mean that figuratively).

but, i do so want to be more productive and get more art made.

and, not just weird, random scenes in a teacup.

teacup zombie apocalypse

*whistles*

(some of all of this might be that i’m feeling discouraged, and things have occurred in the last week-two weeks that are just kinda–awful.  yay, for vague-posting.)

i am making headway on the popsugar reading challenge (not as much as i’d like, but if y’all haven’t noticed, that’s a recurrent them in my life); although, of course, things have changed since i made the popsugar video, so there’s just going to have to be more updates in the future.

the biggest change at the moment is that i’m changing out fairytale option of cinder or red riding hood for my mother she killed me, my father he ate me, which was what i originally wanted to read, but i just couldn’t find my copy.  (i found my copy thursday.)

i’m also reading four books right now (ready player one, more scary stories to tell in the dark, middlemarch, and a book of louise gluck poetry–well, it’s actually all the louise gluck poetry?), so that’s going well.

and, in related-unrelated news, i’m putting together a giveaway, so keep an eye out for that soon.

courage.

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