it’s been a literal eternity

okay, not literally, but hyperbole is a salve to my soul, so just–go with me on this one

things that have been happening: cons–ALL THE CONS–new prints, new projects, new tech, new things

all the things

but, first–a message from our local lack-of-mental-health

i’m having a miserable mental health chunk, and a lot of the lows and troughs and things that i’m experiencing are tied up with pain and insomnia. anxiety and stress because, for me, my physical and mental and emotional healthy are so tied up with each other that, when one part goes out of wack (like, an extended period of time of greater-than-usual pain) everything spirals out of control, and then–oh, boy-howdy, and then!–every little thing is a catastrophe in the making

a perfect, singular, shining example of this nonsense? yesterday

so, i’ve commissioned an artist i really enjoy to draw my darling dungeons and dragons character, entoloma murrayi, for me–they’re having a difficult time with things monetarily, and while i’m not flush, i’m not skint and felt like “hey, i have some extra dosh kicking around between a variety of things going on; i can help a fellow artist out for once! yay, me!”

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and, i sincerely love what i’ve seen of ent that they’re drawing, but there’s also the matter of an extended conversation to translate my style to theirs (because, really, my style is super minimalistic and abstract, and those semiotics are just not everyone’s cuppa despite my frustration because i’ve always been good at semiotics: my own and others) and a vast swath of apparent misunderstandings, and their insistence that i come watch their stream of the drawing, which is fine too; however, it wasn’t made clear to me in any way that i was going to be interrogated in the stream for clarifications, and–i don’t react well to twitch chat?

i mean, i’ve know that for awhile–i literally cannot watch anything with the twitch chat (really, any chat) open because it messes with my dyslexia and anxiety and adhd in disastrous ways, and that’s when i’m not being expected to be an active participant in the the thing

toss into the mix that i was having a terrible pain day, that my hands weren’t wanting to be hands (which makes, ya know, typing difficult), that i’m having a miserable post-con depression with a potential side of con-crude, and that i was beginning to feel as if my style and art were suspect and that i couldn’t communicate effectively at all–i may have had a very bad panic attack

it was fun, y’all

and, this is in no way the artist’s fault–this is all so on me–but i had a thing, i’m having a thing, and it’s making everything super hard, and it exacerbated an already dodgy physical and mental health week

hence, the typing at all of you lovely internet denizens? *waves*

but, the commission is going to be beautiful–i know it will be!–and their version of ent is just the cutest cute, so it’s all going to be fine

it’s fine, really

*hyperventilates just a smidge**

(it’s also not helping that i have all the video footage to edit into videos–because i just haven’t been able to because migraines and my brain not wanting to be a brain, there’s a podcast that’s nearly a month old to edit, i’m behind on the comic because con last week, and i still absolutely suck out loud at patreon–happy thoughts)

(have i mentioned i may have figured out basic twitch streaming? because, ya know, it’s not actually difficult in any way really? *hands*)

(okay, it’s a smidge difficult because i’m running chat off of my phone right now in case anyone shows up–why they would, i have not clue–and it wants a category, which–since i’m talking about dnd in here, i made dnd, so there’s that)

(in somewhat related news, i was going to gm my first game–an a glittering venery sking of lasers and feelings–earlier this month, but that didn’t happen, but everything  is ready and waiting for the next time my dnd group can get ourselves together to play)

but, i’ve been managing to make some interesting illustration pieces (not that i have everything uploaded to flickr yet because i don’t know why), and i’ve been participating in the instragram artist-wide #drawthisinyourownstyle challenge, so there’s been a lot of me drawing other artists’ drawings in my style, and i’ve been lowkey camp nano-ing this month

and, probably the biggest big that’s happening at the moment, is that i’m in a show this month at the ARTgarage

it’s the NEW Queerness Show–it opens friday–and i have four pieces in it: three large-scale illustrations and an older sculpture

yep, this is a thing; i am now officially a queer artist making explicitly queer art rather than a queer artist who makes art

i’m not sure that made sense, but here we are

so, i’m going to stop babbling at y’all, close the twitch stream down, feed myself, and get some work done–at the very least, get the comic up

so, my darlings–

do good

be brave

be kind

courage

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